Wall Street Analyst Recommends Clients 'Just Start Praying' About Yields
Goldman desk pivots to faith-based risk management as 10-year approaches 5%.
Following a third consecutive week of bond yields grinding higher despite cooler inflation data, senior equity strategist Marcus Holloway at a major Wall Street firm issued a research note Tuesday recommending clients 'engage in organized prayer' regarding the 10-year Treasury.
The 47-page report, titled 'Faith-Based Hedging: A Framework,' includes a detailed appendix listing denominations by historical correlation to rate movements. 'We've run the models. We've stress-tested the scenarios. At this point, divine intervention is priced in,' Holloway wrote.
The note comes as the 10-year yield touched 4.87% on Monday, with several institutions warning it could reach 8% if the Fed maintains its current stance. Holloway's team calculated that traditional hedging strategies would cost institutional clients roughly 340 basis points in carry, versus an estimated 0 to 12 basis points for 'sustained interfaith outreach.'
The firm has reportedly established a dedicated prayer room on the 43rd floor of its Manhattan headquarters, complete with Bloomberg terminals and meditation cushions. Junior analysts are now required to attend twice-weekly sessions focused on 'yield curve visualization and manifestation.'
Competitor desks have begun following suit. One credit strategist at a rival bank, who requested anonymity, confirmed his team now opens morning meetings with a moment of silence 'for the bond market and also Gary in compliance.' Asked whether this constitutes financial advice, the strategist replied, 'No, this is beyond advice.'
Holloway's note specifically warns against panic-selling into the rally, citing Ecclesiastes 3:1 and a proprietary momentum indicator. 'There is a time to buy, and a time to sell, and a time to acknowledge you have no idea what the hell is happening,' he wrote. The report was upgraded to 'Must Read' by the firm's distribution desk.
At press time, Holloway was seen lighting a candle in front of a chart showing the 2s10s spread, muttering something about 'the crossover' and 'please, just this once.'