Man Who Predicted 14 of the Last 2 Crashes Warns of Crash
Local permabear celebrates July selloff he has forecast continuously since 2019. Says the real crash is still coming, has always been coming, will always be coming.
Satire
AREA MARKETS, USA. A local newsletter author who has predicted fourteen of the last two market crashes declared victory this week, telling subscribers the July AI selloff proves what he has been saying since 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022, 2023, 2024, and 2025.
The author, who asked to be identified only as a student of history, noted that anyone who followed his advice would have avoided the entire drawdown, along with the 180% rally that preceded it.
Subscribers to his premium tier, which costs $79 a month, receive the same warning with a chart attached. At press time, he was reportedly preparing a special report titled This Bounce Is a Trap, his 214th consecutive report of that name.
When reached for comment, his portfolio was 60% cash, 40% regret.